A Public Service Post (completely tongue in cheek): How to Know if You Are Suffering from Pre-Coronavirus Syndrome
If you are concerned in any way, shape or form about the Coronavirus, please stop reading this. If you or anyone you know is already immune compromised, please stop reading this. The post is solely my frustration exploding into blog form to what I believe is the more dangerous viral reaction to this ongoing, in my opinion, massive overreaction to the pending Dementor of Doom: the Coronavirus. I am being flip and GOK (God Only Knows) if it will come back to bite me personally in the butt and if it does, then God knows, I deserve it.
A QUIZ
(I haven’t written a test in decades and surely could be a bit rusty but I used to be pretty good at this.)
DIRECTIONS: Read each question carefully. Yes, some are multiple choice, some true/false, some fill in the blanks and they are designed that way, especially for the over 50 crowd to force mental acuity. Then answer the question from your most current knowledge base. NO GOOGLING ALLOWED. TEN POINTS DEDUCTED FROM EACH ANSWER I CAN TELL WAS GOOGLED. Devices away, wipe down your fingers with hand sanitizer, finger pads up. This is not a timed test. Waste as much or as little time on this as you wish.
1. My favorite Beatle is ____________________.
2. T/F. I was outraged when the opening of the newest James Bond movie, starring Mary O’Brien’s boyfriend Daniel Craig (other boyfriends include Harrison Ford and Tom Hiddleston), was delayed from April to November due to the Coronavirus, as opposed to some new breaking scandal involving sexual harassment on the part of anyone associated with the film.
3. (Circle all that apply) When I have symptoms of a cold, I:
A. Self quarantine for 14 days (preferably in a large, refrigerator sized cardboard box with a small slit cut into it so others in my home can slip in food and water, but a slit large enough that I can send out the slop bucket)
B. Cover my nose and mouth every time I sneeze, then wash my hands vigorously for 20 seconds if I sneezed or coughed into my hands
C. Take every OTC cold remedy possible until til the symptoms run their natural course
D. Eat chicken soup
E. Go to work or public gatherings anyway because it’s just a VIRUS
F. (question dependent on your faith practices) Stop doing the sign of peace; don’t take communion in one or more forms; sit in a pew by myself
G. Cancel my impending vacation
H. Sell my concert/theatre/etc. tickets on Craig’s List (or wherever)
I. Stockpile water and canned goods and hand sanitizer and bleach (why are you stockpiling water? Has your plumbing stopped working? Will your plumbing stop working if you contract a virus, even the Coronavirus? I get stockpiling water if you live in an earthquake or hurricane zone but for the Coronavirus? Head scratcher)
J. Contact my local legislator, notifying her/him that I have a cold and demand the state declare a state of emergency
K. Watch the talking heads on ALL television stations overandoverandover tell me to wash my hands; cover my cough and sneeze; don’t touch my face and then repeating the exactly identical information overandoverandover again as if it is the proverbial BREAKING NEWS
L. Blame it on the flu shot I did get
M. Blame it on the flu shot I didn’t get
N. Blame it on anyone and everyone who sneezed in my presence in the last year
O. (for grandparents only) Limit contact with your grands, those little germ cesspools, to FaceTime, then wipe down your device with bleach water because one can never be too safe
P. Stay away from anyone whose immune system is compromised in any way, shape or form
Q. If I have been in contact with a school child, call the Superintendent to alert him/her that the district should immediately cancel school for at least the duration of my cold (even though the CDC says that kids, at least at this juncture, appear NOT to be susceptible to this virus)
R. Get more rest as my body asks for it
S. Develop a flyer to distribute to my neighbors informing them a cold is in their neighborhood, and, out of an abundance of caution, they may wish to self-quarantine for 14 days
T. In fact, make a list of everyplace and everyone I may have come in contact with since the onset of symptoms and consider a variety of ways to notify them, in case they want to self quarantine as well
U. Wash my hands vigorously multiple times a day so as to prevent unintended spread of any germs
V. Wear a face mask (because admit it, you’ve always wanted to go out in public wearing a face mask and have people look at you and wonder why you’re wearing that thing)
W. Use a fresh tissue each time you sneeze; cough or sneeze into your elbow rather than your hands
X. Say you don’t have a cold, it’s just allergies
Y. Download a thousand movies or books to stream while you’re sniffling (actually heard a talking head say reading books was going "Old School")
Z. Use common sense: wash your hands; don’t touch your face; sneeze and cough into your arm or elbow; stay home if you’re feeling miserable or running a fever
4. T/F: The Minnesota Twins will win the World Series in 2020
5. This quiz is ridiculous because no one
_____ shouldn’t
_____ should
be poking fun at the world wide reaction to the Coronavirus
Thank you for playing. I wish you and everyone in your life good health.
A QUIZ
(I haven’t written a test in decades and surely could be a bit rusty but I used to be pretty good at this.)
DIRECTIONS: Read each question carefully. Yes, some are multiple choice, some true/false, some fill in the blanks and they are designed that way, especially for the over 50 crowd to force mental acuity. Then answer the question from your most current knowledge base. NO GOOGLING ALLOWED. TEN POINTS DEDUCTED FROM EACH ANSWER I CAN TELL WAS GOOGLED. Devices away, wipe down your fingers with hand sanitizer, finger pads up. This is not a timed test. Waste as much or as little time on this as you wish.
1. My favorite Beatle is ____________________.
2. T/F. I was outraged when the opening of the newest James Bond movie, starring Mary O’Brien’s boyfriend Daniel Craig (other boyfriends include Harrison Ford and Tom Hiddleston), was delayed from April to November due to the Coronavirus, as opposed to some new breaking scandal involving sexual harassment on the part of anyone associated with the film.
3. (Circle all that apply) When I have symptoms of a cold, I:
A. Self quarantine for 14 days (preferably in a large, refrigerator sized cardboard box with a small slit cut into it so others in my home can slip in food and water, but a slit large enough that I can send out the slop bucket)
B. Cover my nose and mouth every time I sneeze, then wash my hands vigorously for 20 seconds if I sneezed or coughed into my hands
C. Take every OTC cold remedy possible until til the symptoms run their natural course
D. Eat chicken soup
E. Go to work or public gatherings anyway because it’s just a VIRUS
F. (question dependent on your faith practices) Stop doing the sign of peace; don’t take communion in one or more forms; sit in a pew by myself
G. Cancel my impending vacation
H. Sell my concert/theatre/etc. tickets on Craig’s List (or wherever)
I. Stockpile water and canned goods and hand sanitizer and bleach (why are you stockpiling water? Has your plumbing stopped working? Will your plumbing stop working if you contract a virus, even the Coronavirus? I get stockpiling water if you live in an earthquake or hurricane zone but for the Coronavirus? Head scratcher)
J. Contact my local legislator, notifying her/him that I have a cold and demand the state declare a state of emergency
K. Watch the talking heads on ALL television stations overandoverandover tell me to wash my hands; cover my cough and sneeze; don’t touch my face and then repeating the exactly identical information overandoverandover again as if it is the proverbial BREAKING NEWS
L. Blame it on the flu shot I did get
M. Blame it on the flu shot I didn’t get
N. Blame it on anyone and everyone who sneezed in my presence in the last year
O. (for grandparents only) Limit contact with your grands, those little germ cesspools, to FaceTime, then wipe down your device with bleach water because one can never be too safe
P. Stay away from anyone whose immune system is compromised in any way, shape or form
Q. If I have been in contact with a school child, call the Superintendent to alert him/her that the district should immediately cancel school for at least the duration of my cold (even though the CDC says that kids, at least at this juncture, appear NOT to be susceptible to this virus)
R. Get more rest as my body asks for it
S. Develop a flyer to distribute to my neighbors informing them a cold is in their neighborhood, and, out of an abundance of caution, they may wish to self-quarantine for 14 days
T. In fact, make a list of everyplace and everyone I may have come in contact with since the onset of symptoms and consider a variety of ways to notify them, in case they want to self quarantine as well
U. Wash my hands vigorously multiple times a day so as to prevent unintended spread of any germs
V. Wear a face mask (because admit it, you’ve always wanted to go out in public wearing a face mask and have people look at you and wonder why you’re wearing that thing)
W. Use a fresh tissue each time you sneeze; cough or sneeze into your elbow rather than your hands
X. Say you don’t have a cold, it’s just allergies
Y. Download a thousand movies or books to stream while you’re sniffling (actually heard a talking head say reading books was going "Old School")
Z. Use common sense: wash your hands; don’t touch your face; sneeze and cough into your arm or elbow; stay home if you’re feeling miserable or running a fever
4. T/F: The Minnesota Twins will win the World Series in 2020
5. This quiz is ridiculous because no one
_____ shouldn’t
_____ should
be poking fun at the world wide reaction to the Coronavirus
Thank you for playing. I wish you and everyone in your life good health.
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