Getting My Sea Legs Underneath Me

It's the morning you've been dreaming of ever since you announced your retirement.

Your co-workers have gazed longingly on that date marked, probably in red, on your calendar.  LAST DAY OF WORK.

The alarm does not go off.

You don't have to haul yourself out of bed when you awaken.

Now what?

Here are a few things (that I can recall) those who were already retired shared with me about retirement:

• It's great.
• You'll never look back.
• You'll be so busy, you'll wonder how you ever worked.
• You can do whatever you want.
• Keep a list of all the things you say you want to do.
• Travel.  Travel.  Travel.
• It takes a while to get used to it.  About a year.
• You'll get to spend a lot of time with your grandchildren.
• You'll get into some sort of routine.

Friends and co-workers asked me what I was going to do when I retired.  I sensed an undercurrent of, "You're not just going to be retired, are you?" which I took to mean there was an assumption that I would be doing something, whatever that might be.  Does that make sense?

My stock answer, which is still pretty much the same, was "We'll see."  I wanted and still want to keep my options open.  I've always positioned myself to be able to push through any interesting door that opened.  No longer do I desire to set myself up to push through an interesting door that is locked.  Been there, done that, enjoyed it once upon a time.

I knew before the BIG DAY, and continue to ascribe to, that I didn't want a schedule which would obligate me on a daily basis to be somewhere at a specific time.  Like a "Go to work" schedule.

I also knew that I wanted to get back into a regular exercise routine.  The last seven years of work, I had a pretty sizeable commute--about an hour, each way, a combination of windshield time that was both bucolic and bumper to bumper during the same drive.  Consequently one aspect of my life that fell off the rails was exercising as in studio classes at an athletic facility (cf Day 33).  My mind and body have missed that greatly, although I did develop a sporadic yoga practice which has become important to me.  Reestablishing this routine was the hook I was hanging my retirement 'sea legs' on.  

So far, so good.

I like analogies and word pictures.  I'm a relationship builder, a relational leader, a storyteller.  So it made/makes sense to me to visualize what these early days of retirement look and feel like.  Hence, getting my sea legs underneath me.  I don't feel adrift and there are days when I wonder what the hell I'm doing.  I spent my career working with and for others, concentrating on their needs.  Now the primary person I can concentrate on, at least for the time being, is me.  Once in a while I feel as if I have a ginormous hole in my heart and it scares me.

Here's a couple of the things I'm doing to get my sea legs underneath me.

1. Working out.  I love it.  Mondays, water aerobics.  Tuesdays, Zumba Gold.  Wednesdays, yoga.  Thursdays, Pickleball.  Friday, Zumba Gold toning.  Saturday, Pilates.  Sunday, even God rested.                                                    Why this helps me:  Besides the obvious of keeping physically active, it provides a place to nod and say hello and chime into a conversation.  My sister Barb developed a new community of friends when she retired at Curves, a women's only health club that appears to be closing nationwide.  (She found Jazzercise in its place).  Of this she is a true believer.  The women she works out with go for coffee, go to movies, go out for dinner together.  So far that isn't happening for me and I'm not sure I'm interested in that level of social engagement.  However, having a routine affords me the opportunity to see many of the same women who also have the same routine.  You smile at them and they reciprocate.  They ask your name and I reciprocate.  You comment on their cute shoes.  They ask how many grandchildren you have.  This is the stuff that your workplace provided you with, whether you knew it or not, and this is the stuff that if you are a relationship based person you may miss mightily.  Also, research tells us that social connections are critical for everyone, especially retirees who may otherwise experience social isolation.
2. I very, very, very softly launched The Road Next Taken as I intended ore-retirement to continue developing curriculum and teaching albeit on a limited basis.  I find it interesting that I got really fired up to do this during the time period we were watching our grandsons while their child care provider was on vacation  Years ago, while raising our children, I had a couple good years writing trashy fiction.  Must be something about the brain frantically searching for a vocabulary extended beyond parenting lexicon.                                                                                                                              Why this helps me:  Keep those brain cells challenged.  I very much enjoy teaching and sincerely have a passion for working with those age 50 +.  Just like when I was in my childbearing years I had a passion for working with others spitting out babies.  Not too different from when I returned to the workforce and wrote a book Back to Work: A Guide for Expectant and New Parents (self published actually went to two printings,which were done at Lino Lakes Correctional Facility and I have a great story about being escorted out to the printing shop in a golf cart by a rather large inmate named Duke.)  Similar to teaching parent education classes not only to parents of preschoolers but also those traversing through the elementary and teen and then grown, gone, launched and returned years.  Hmm, I'm sensing a pattern here.  Plus it's providing me with some sense of purpose beyond the focus on Mary.
3. I watch The Long Island Medium every afternoon.  Don't judge.  I had intended to watch a lot of HGTV but Theresa Caputo is a little more entertaining than the Tiny House people who, as my friend Alissa recently pointed out on Facebook, are always appalled at how small the houses are.  Hello, you're looking for a TINY HOUSE!

I'm trying to be gentle with myself and challenge myself at the same time.  I'm trying to find space and give myself space.  I'm trying.  For today, that's enough.

Let's conclude with a couple recipes:

From the files of Bridget Kathleen O'Brien Mastroianni, on Instagram as @whatwouldbiddydo

I overnighted last Saturday at Bridget's while she and her husband, Darin, enjoyed a little getaway with friends.  She left us the ingredients for Risotto with chicken and feta.  It was delicious.  Sorry, NYTimes.

Shrimp in Spicy Lime Sauce

This photo is to demonstrate that I am following the NYTimes recipes by actually measuring ingredients.  A significant culinary switch pour moi.

I wasn't particularly fond of this recipe. The spousal unit (aka The Dan-o) liked it however.

Finally, I also cooked Chicken Paprikash which I liked quite a bit and I sensed Dan-o was rather lukewarm about.  He mentioned the Guinness stew a couple times this past week so I think I will be cooking that again.