Fallin' In And Out of Love With You

This past winter, while in Florida, Dan (the spouse for the uninitiated) went home for a long weekend, leaving me solo, with the dog.

When I told friends who also have been married a substantial amount of time that I would be alone, pretty much to a person their comment was along the lines of how nice it would be to single.  Not beholding to anyone else, checking in about what he was doing, should I be doing it with him, here is something we have planned to do together (which I have told you multiple times already), etc.  The peace and quiet of solitary confinement.  The space you usually share now being private, unnecessary to jockey for position in any one place.

I thought that, too.  It would be so nice to be by myself, if only for a couple days.

I didn't do anything out of the ordinary while Dan was gone, perhaps cooking a couple one pot meals that I very much like and are not on the top of his culinary list.  And it was okay, him being gone.

But when I picked him up at the airport, I was so happy to see him and I have to tell you, that happiness arrived with a sense of relief that after all these years, he can still make my heart flutter.  Not in the way it did oh those many years ago, yet the electric energy between us still flows.

If you have been married long time, I presume you know what I mean when I steal the lyrics from Pure Prairie League's Falling In and Out of Love With You.

Falling in and out of love with you
Falling in and out of love with you
Don't know what I'm gonna do
I keep falling in and out of love

There are days when your significant other just makes your heart sing and then there are the days when you would be just as happy if they went to live in Mongolia and never came back.  You think of all the things this person does and give thanks, not as often aloud to them as you should, that you have built this life side by side where that happens.  The significant other does not fill all your holes nor do you theirs, however the ones they do gently, regularly, with care backfill are amazingly the ones they do the best, thus ones that make oh so much of a difference for you.  

Over the years, during the periods when you are falling out of love, it is frightening.  Scary.  Sad.  Provokes anger, leaving you not the best version of yourself and in need of help and support to worm your way back to the space where you can fall in love again.  When the love slowly mists its way back into your life, your better angel opens its wings and reminds you of all the reasons why falling in love, not with the intensity it first occurred but now with a mellowed acceptance and appreciation of all this deep, abiding, difficult, exasperating emotion brings to both your lives.

Today is our 53rd wedding anniversary.  Lately, and not sure why, not precipitated by any specific event, I've given some thought as to why I married Dan. The most significant reason continues to be how nice he was and is.  He came from the nicest mother-in-law on earth and on those dark and stormy moments in the marriage, I would think about her and how she raised him and remember that is who he is at his core.  

Neither of us should rest on our 53 year laurels and get a pass on those things we need to continue working on, both personally and in our marriage.  As I grow older (will speak for myself here), I often find this exhausting and wonder why I can't simply hold on to how far I've gotten and just let the rest float down some stream somewhere.  My brain does not allow for such thoughts so everyday it's mostly a repetitive visit with the same nonsense that's been a constant companion forever and a day.  Marriage related concerns are seldom novel or original and doesn't that just get old?  Yes, it does.  And is it worth the work?  Oh, absolutely.

Because falling in love is simply so much more lovely than the falling out.

I always have loved this picture.
I imagine in it Dan is sharing his plans for what a wonderful 
life we are going to have together.
August 4, 1973, Aqua Bella Banquet Hall, Chicago, Illinois following our wedding at St. Eugene Church where we couldn't be married at Mass because Dan was not a Catholic.  On the altar, Father Shaunessey looked at him and said, "Are you sure you're not Catholic?"

Well, and this is when life happens, part of those wonderful plans we have been living out since our wedding day.
June, 2026
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Liberty Bell in the background






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