The Obituaries

 Do you read the obituaries?

I do.

The bulk of the obituaries placed in the Minneapolis Star and Tribune appear on Sunday, so I set aside some time to filter through them.  First, I scan the pages, my eyes falling on the photographs, drawn especially to the notices displaying photographs of the deceased in their younger, then later years.  I focus on the smiles, considering the moment when the picture captured the person enjoying their life, regardless of how trying, or difficult, or challenging it may had been at other times.  I note the length of the obituary; in recent times, certain notices fill a column of newsprint.  Next, I check the ages of the deceased, tsking at how the younger ones (in my frame of reference, anyone under 80) were taken too soon.  Then I settle in to read, in alphabetical order as they are published.

Some of the deceased, of course, were movers and shakers of the first magnitude. Their accomplishments are lauded in the obituary. I am thankful their gifts and talents were put to such significant use.  Most often these are the longest.

I'm always struck at how many who were walking among us truly made a difference in their world, if not in the greater community.  Such contributions might, on the surface, seem small: "She made the best hot dish in the world" or "His nephews and nieces could always count on him to play cards" and that memory will sustain the family through the years.  I can imagine the grandkids grading each others' hot dish, saying none are as good as Grandma's was.  Or the next generation, sitting around the kitchen table after Thanksgiving dinner, playing cards, saying, "Remember when Uncle John would play cards with us?"

If I come across an obituary for someone I knew, my heart always sinks a little bit with a feeling of sadness that even if I wanted to connect with them again, that opportunity now has passed.

My favorite obituaries paint a vivid portrait of the deceased, so much so I find myself wishing I had known them.   These notices are infused with love.  You can almost feel it seep off the page in the adjectives and other descriptors used to describe the deceased's smile, laugh, favorite turn of phrase.  Their quirks and habits now are cemented as monuments to their lives well lived.

Such an obituary is the one below, written for my dear cousin, Joni.

Joni M. Marske

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Joni M. Marske

West Des Moines - Joni Marie Marske peacefully went to heaven on January 31, 2022 holding hands with her husband, Gary, of forty-eight years. Joni was born on July 25, 1953 in Chicago, IL. She graduated from Good Counsel High School and loved everything about growing up in Chicago "my kind of town" including riding bikes to Lake Michigan with her brothers, playing beach volleyball, and enjoying rides at Riverview. She was also so proud to be presented as a Debutant at the Polish Red and White Ball.

Joni went on to marry her "little farm boy" on June 30, 1973. They settled in West Des Moines, IA and had their two sons. Joni continued her love for volleyball by teaching her boys all that she knew about the game and taking them to Aspen to play. Volleyball was her life! The Marske crew traveled often, especially to California where Joni and Gary had a dream to have a home outside of San Diego – they fulfilled that dream in 2009. They also loved boating and she had a passion for water skiing.

Joni then became a Babcia in 2013. Joni loved spoiling all four grandchildren with gifts, coloring with them, taking them to the zoo, and special adventures in California. They loved her thoughtfulness, Chicago Broccoli, and Mac and Cheese. Joni continued her care for others by being an organ donor and donated her beautiful blue eyes.

Family and friends will deeply miss her 'surprise' confetti in her handmade cards, waving her yellow towel at ISU Football games, singing "Sto lat", learning about her polish traditions, and her most recent love of water aerobics.

Joni was so special to so many, as she was the 'JOY' in Enjoy!

Left to cherish her memory are her husband Gary, sons Andy (Kelsey) Marske of Shawnee, KS, Alex (Gail) Marske of Clive, IA; grandchildren Stella, Augusta, Arthur, Whitney; brother John (Marcia) Piekielko of Mount Juliette, TN; brother James Piekielko of North Hollywood, CA; brother Joe Piekielko of Austin, TX. Nephews Brian and Brad (Lidiette), great nephews Logan, Lucas, and John S. Piekielko; great nieces Emma and Sophie Piekielko; and countless friends.

Memorial services will be held at 11 am, Saturday, February 5 at McLaren's Resthaven Chapel. Inurnment will follow at Resthaven Cemetery. A Chicago luncheon and celebration will follow at Jasper Winery (2400 George Flagg Parkway, Des Moines) starting at 1:30 pm. Visitation will be from 6-8 pm Friday, February 4 at McLaren's Resthaven Chapel.

Memorials in her name may be made to the Animal Rescue League of Iowa, the San Diego Humane Society, or Paws Chicago.

Posted online on February 01, 2022 w

Published in Des Moines Register

At Joni's visitation, I had the privilege of talking with her sons and daughters-in-law, where I was able to ask them about the obituary.  They went out to breakfast and wrote it together, Andy and Kesley, Alex and Gayle told me.  After reading her obituary, can't you imagine how much she probably enjoyed watching them craft the exquisite story of her life, for the rest of us to share?

Garrison Keillor writes, "They say such nice things about you at your funeral, it's a shame I'm going to miss mine by just a few days."

And Ferris Bueller reminds us, "Life moves pretty fast.  If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it."

Joni didn't miss it.  How blessed we, her friends and family, were, to spend part of our lives in her orbit.

Spoczywaj w pokoju.  Say hi to everyone up in heaven for me.